Looking at things beneath the surface

Life and death

chuatsinli — Thu, 16 Dec 2010 16:26:52 +0000

Death of my grandma brought about many thoughts. Especially when she passed on within 1 month of her diagnosis of late-stage cancer.

- how many times did we miss out the “signs” that our loved ones give to signal that they wish they have more time with us.

” Where are you here today?” ”Oh, I just want to pop by and take a look.”

- Conflicting emotions: sad when someone left, but happy that she did not have to suffer more.

- It can take as short as 5 minutes for someone soul and spirit to leave the body.

- Whose arms do you want to die in?

Again, I still feel that funerals are created, so that one can focus on doing, which helps ease some sadness. I kind of wonder, what really happens after one dies.

Loneliness

chuatsinli — Sat, 11 Dec 2010 17:46:41 +0000

真正寂寞的人，永远不会让身边的人寂寞———摘自《萌芽》

真正寂寞的人，
不是从眼睛里看出来的，
是从灵魂中看出来的。

真正寂寞的人，
是可以在开怀大笑之后，
马上恢复到冷漠表情和心灵的一种人。
即使接触起来再亲切再好相处。

真正寂寞的人，
是可以用一整天的时间，一句话也不说，一件事情也不做的站着坐着躺着，
可能想着些什么，也可能什么都没想。

真正寂寞的人，
是可以短暂摆脱寂寞的，
狂欢到再次感觉寂寞的时候，
更加觉得寂寞。

真正寂寞的人，
其实不是因为一直都寂寞，
而是因为曾经遇到了今生唯一可以懂得自己人，以为是一辈子却其实还是错过了，
这才真的寂寞.

寂寞的人寂寞的生活

寂寞的人往往是擅长回忆的，一丝不苟的回忆所有的生活。特别是那些活生生的人，回忆那些人怎样的走进他的生活，然后又消逝在时光后的隧道中。在太阳落山的时候想起他们，在群星灿烂的时候想起他们，在睡梦中也会传来呼喊。

寂寞的人有很多寂寞的喜好。

寂寞的人喜欢一个人散步，一个人走的时候，也便逃离了这个世界——纵使四方人潮汹涌。在夜里，会仰视头顶上的路灯，或者凝视脚下的影子。永远也不会厌倦这个和身体永不割舍的伴侣。

寂寞的人习惯仰望天空。无论是阳光明媚的春日还是沉沉的秋天。看云淡风轻，望长空飞雁。想寻找过去，但又不忍想起。害怕那些成为今天孤独的见证。因此，不知道是要学会遗忘，还是要继续记忆。

寂寞的人喜欢看风，吹风，听风。看风穿过城市的罅隙，看风穿过茂密的森林，看风穿过这伤感而优美，多情而孤独的青春。寂寞的人会留起长发。走在风里，凌乱的发丝扑打在脸上，使眼珠产生柔柔的痛。

寂寞的人会在风中点起一根可能会熄灭的香烟，平静的抽着。看烟圈在风中打滚的离去。寂寞的人会爬上山顶，及其冷漠的眺望。只有耳边的风声让他感觉到自己的存在。

寂寞的人只会听歌，不会去唱。只是不停的听，一首又一首，一遍又一遍。直到泪眼朦胧。堕入深梦。

寂寞的人喜欢写一些寂寞的文字，应该算是写下寂寞，让它们寂寞的躺在记事本里。默默的尘封。

真正寂寞的人会反复听一首歌，看一场电影。
或发呆一天.

真正寂寞的人总会反复去同一个地方，看同样的景物。
想同一个问题.

真正寂寞的人永远不会让身边的人寂寞.

真正寂寞的人他们喜爱阳光只是更依赖黑夜的保护。

真正寂寞的人你看不到他寂寞的样子.

真正寂寞的人没有让人看到的眼泪.

真正寂寞的人总是藏在过去，活在回忆.

真正寂寞的人总是不敢去看孩子的眼睛.

真正寂寞的人身上总是有很多的伤疤，一半自己划上的，一半别人留给的.

真正寂寞的人总是写很多无聊的文字，去抚慰所有的殇.

真正寂寞的人总是像猫一样.

真正寂寞的人总是喜欢毫无保留的站在雨里，不管雨多大

真正寂寞的人从前并不寂寞。真的。

Being there.

chuatsinli — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 17:52:15 +0000

How many times have you done this: pushing your thousand million to-dos and arranging them elsewhere so that you could squeeze out 1 hour to accompany someone important in your life, even if it sometimes mean doing nothing more than staring into the same space.

I guess the importance augment, when one is sick, or in fear. It is as if, the presence of more than one person would divide the fear of any impending negativity, into smaller fragments.

I have been living with this notion, for my family and friends. If there is something significant to them, I hope to be there to share the joy or sometimes even fear. I hate to imagine myself having to say : “I should have made time for that dinner with them. Now, i have no more chance to.” That kind of motivates me to be there. Because i do not want to regret anything, and the reason being “I am lazy”.

Most often than not, if someone bothers to ask :” Do you want me there?” He/she just needs your affirmation to say : ” Yes, you are important to me, and i want to see you right here right now.” rather than having the disappointment setting in for both parties, and both assume that they are not important to each other.

Signs of life

chuatsinli — Tue, 23 Nov 2010 17:55:53 +0000

I was craving for a nice film for me to immerse my thoughts and feelings into the plot. I discovered the German Film Festival 2010, and started ploughing through the film selection.

Not many people would appreciate such unconventional films. But nothing beats going to the theater, and sitting among like-minded people who share the same passion and time-space in appreciating a film in the theater, for 87 mins. It was like entering into another world, another time period. I totally enjoy the whole process of my brain translating complex thoughts, integrating what I knew from my life experience, and what I discover in the film. The elements of the film are crafted so beautifully to allow an engaging experience for the audience. It is amazing how work of the arts are able to convey the messages that people as far back as 1960s (or even B.C) have for the masses.

Signs of Life / Lebenszeichen

directed by Werner Herzog

I would just like to write down my thoughts, on details of the film. If you ever watch it, feel free to comment here.

- Boredom, can drive one crazy. Is that why humans seek to find something to do in life. Be it work, or studying or just having something to occupy your mind with?

- The trap for the cockroaches: I remember he said something like “I want to destroy them, because they look so disgusting.” The systemic way of killing, of deciding to kill. Isn;t that the reason many (mass)murderers adopt had for doing what they did? Who are we to decide the death of another being?

- Love the contrasting feel of watching the beautiful fireworks in the sky and the impending doom of Stroszek turning crazy.

- The girl whom they met while they were patrolling. Humans need other humans to survive. No? Else we would lose our linguistics ability. But then again. How important is that?

- I have no idea what was happening at the windmills scene.

- I love the sudden silences in the film, and how the pianist tries to show Chopin’s TB coughs, through the playing of the piano.

I believe my secondary school teacher had a great influence on me when she first introduced the works of Akira Kurosawa to us during class. It stimulated my mind to think, and I fell in love with similar works. How nicely such directors have put the complexities of life, through well-crafted plot, actors, sceneries and music.

We are used to the coloured cinematography, the blasting sound effects, the 3-d effects. But I find the plot of the classic films, really deep and intriguing.

If you have a thought, why is it so hard to pen it down?

chuatsinli — Tue, 23 Nov 2010 17:30:47 +0000

I believe many of us often have random thoughts that we have in our minds, those that we yearn to say out and share but did not, due to the “common” social expected things to say. Often these thoughts arise from the things we see, actions we do, people we observe, feelings we have etc etc, the elements of life picked up by ourselves due to the simple fact that we are still breathing.

Many a times, we yearn to have something that inspire us. To light up the sparkles in our life so as to assure us that yes, you are still living your life to the fullest.

Same here.

I shall use this site as an avenue to provide bite size (or sometimes many bites) thoughts that I have.

One should be warned of the randomness of most posts. :)